


Stop The Noise

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-15
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-08 13:15:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/761741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is Dean's suicidal ex-boyfriend. Even though they've split up, Dean is the only person Cas can talk to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stop The Noise

 After class, Dean spends an hour working on an old beater in the auto-yard by his school. It's good- it's an escape. He can lose himself in the work like it's some kind of meditation. He feels relaxed and loose when he slides back behind the wheel of his own car.

Then, he checks his phone.

He has thirty-seven missed calls. All from Castiel.

His phone starts vibrating again even as he's holding it. He considers being selfish and not answering, but he knows Castiel will be pretty fucked up if he's called this many times.

Dean's scared to answer the phone. He's always scared to answer the phone, these days.

He does it anyway, putting Castiel on speaker phone as he starts up the engine.

“Cas?”  
  
“Dean, thank God.” Castiel starts. It's a whole world away from the “Hello Dean” he normally gets.

“What's up, Cas?” Dean asks cautiously.

“I tried to kill myself last night.”   
  
Dean thinks,  _oh God, not again,_  and feels like he wants to puke.

 -

Nine months ago, Dean met Cas online.  
  
Six months ago, Dean and Cas had started a relationship.

Four days ago, Dean had ended that relationship.   
  
Dean spends his night talking Cas out of suicide, for the third time.   
  
He doesn't succeed.   
  
Neither does Castiel.

 -

To go and meet Castiel would be a fourty-eight hour round journey, even with Dean behind the wheel. Dean lives in Kansas, and Castiel in Washington State.   
  
They talk every day, or, they used to. Dean is the only person in Castiel's life that he can talk to.

Dean hates it. He hates feeling that Castiel's life could depend on what he says. He hates that Castiel refuses to get help. Dean gets a gnawing feeling in his stomach, every time Cas calls him, because what if Cas is suicidal? He's the only person Cas can,  _will_  talk to about it, and that scares him. But Dean can't not pick up. Because he's the only person Castiel will talk to.

Dean's too far away to be of any use to Cas, more than just someone to talk to. If Dean lived any closer, he'd be dragging Castiel's ass to a clinic of some sort. But he doesn't live closer, and he doesn't have the money to stay anywhere, and he doesn't have the time to drive there, and he wouldn't be able to sleep on Castiel's floor. There's too much between them, now.

 -

Castiel has problems coming out of his ears. His mom's borderline abusive, he's got eating disorders and anxiety disorders and he self-harms on a nightly basis. He's bullied, his health is bad, and he refuses to talk to a professional.

There is nothing Dean can do.

Some days, he wishes he'd never messages Castiel in the first place. He wishes he'd never got involved.   
  
Then Cas reminds him that he wouldn't be alive right now if it wasn't for Dean, and Dean hates himself.

Dean hates himself most days, but he can't talk to Cas about it. He's got enough on his plate already.

 -

Dean remains Castiel's shoulder to cry on, remains his sounding board, even though they're not together. Dean takes on Castiel's problems as well as dealing with his own. Dean has no-one to talk to about any of it. His family aren't exactly the sharing-and-caring type. His friends would just laugh at him, tell him to get over it. If Dean mentions it to Castiel, Castiel will stop telling him things.

Dean knows that if he snaps, Castiel will as well.   
  
So Dean carries the burden for both of them.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not the greatest thing I've ever written, but I had feelings, and I had to get them down.


End file.
